Does it make me weak if I miss and want someone who hurt me the way they did? I wish things could go back to how they used to be. I wish you didn’t do the things you did. I wish you didn’t ruin what we had (if we even had anything). I miss having a best friend. I miss having someone I can talk too. I miss receiving text messages from you. I miss hearing my phone ring and seeing your picture on the screen. I miss hearing your voice on the phone. I miss us. I miss you.
Beach Bonfire
Went to Sea Bright Beach with some of the cousins yesterday, where we had a glorious time together. I was there with some of my cousins earlier, where we basically fell asleep and I got sun burnt on the back of my legs. The other arrived later, where we took over some family’s bonfire that they left behind. It was cold, I had splinters on the bottom of my feet from running around, but I had a really good time. We lit up sparklers, took a whole bunch of pictures, played categories/tag, and laughed the whole night. I kinda realized by the end of the night that this was going to be one of the last times that we were all going to be together. We left the beach around 10pm, ate at In-N-Out, and went home. Yesterday was by far the highlight of my summer.
Will you miss me when I’m gone?
Selfish Boy
It hurts when you put so much trust and effort into someone you love and care about, but they end up lying to your face and cheating on you. I think the part that truly kills me the most is where I feel like our whole relationship was a lie. Everything he told me, everything that he made me feel, were things that he didn’t even mean. Why the fuck didn’t I see this coming?! For months he was dating another woman, while I was waiting him. Why did I put so much trust on someone who I truly believed would never hurt me so much. Is love really this blind?! Am I stupid for believing he would never do something like this to me? Fuck. He was a good liar, I believed everything he told me. He said the right words to make me believe that he would never hurt me, but his actions spoke otherwise. And for that, I blame myself. He was a selfish boy, who fucked with my emotions. A boy who played two girls for his own pleasure. A boy who can’t even man up to tell me the truth straight up. A boy who doesn’t have the balls to break up with his current girlfriend, so he can be with another woman. But in the end, I still love and care about him. Even when I know what I know now, I don’t have the selfishness to cheat on him. I don’t have the selfishness to hurt him the way he hurt me. I can’t hurt someone I love, cause love isn’t selfish.
